Frustration at my wardrobe

We all have clothes that we love, that make us feel confident, sexy, professional,. We also all have clothes that sit at the back of our wardrobes at the bottom of our drawers and never get worn. For me these are the items that eventually get used for hair colouring or decorating. 

However, most of my clothes I hate, I love them in the shop when I see the size 8 garment at the front, trawl to the back of the rack for an 18/20 and it suddenly doesnt look quite so attractive anymore, it's a fact of life that smaller things are cuter and nicer.  It's depressing. For me losing weight isn't just about looking and feeling better, it's about being able to go out and buy these smaller size clothes that look pretty sat at the front of the shelves. 

Each day I go through my wardrobe hoping as if by magic some nice clothes may appear, I live in jeggings, leggings and long tops, big jumpers and cardigans. I hate anything tight fitting, funny shaped, that shows too much flesh (especially my arms) and most of all I hate having to get out of my big comfy safe pyjamas to put on uncomfortable jeans and leave the house looking like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards. 

I see plenty of plus sized women who look fabulous, glamorous and I feel jealous, where do they get these clothes, or is it just that I lack a sense of fashion that they are lucky to possess. I feel I buy the same safe items and then leave myself facing the same dilemmas and not wearing them and eventfully they go to the charity shop. My sense of style is just boring and maybe as a mum of 2 that's how it will stay..

Maybe I should just go out and buy clothes that I would never usually pick out for myself, pretend I'm shopping for someone else. Maybe if I lost weight I wouldn't have to worry about it, maybe the boring clothes I wear every day would feel prettier on a size 10 body. 

So the frustration continues.

Anyone else feel the same? Where do you shop? 

xxmxx

Food for thought... Bean chilli

Now I'm not the healthiest person by a mile, I eat vegetables, fruit, take vitamins (on the days I actually remember) I'm not a vegetarien, or vegan, I dont drink almond milk on homemade muesli, or cook every meal from scratch and love chocolate far too much. 

However one of my favourite meals to cook is a vegetarian meal, my kids don't love meat so I don't tend to use it too much, Lloyd cooks for himself so I sort out meals for me and the kids. This meal is vegetarien and it's also not for the kids, they hate anything spicy !!
So I thought I would do my first recipe, seems though I was making this for tea and to fill the freezer! I use different vegetables each time so you can use whatever you have either fresh, tinned or frozen.

You will need:

• 3 types or beans, I have butter beans, kidney beans and chickpeas
• Passata
• Fresh tomatoes
• Tomato purée 
• Chilli powder 
• Large onion
• Peppers
• Mushrooms
• Carrot (grated to thicken the sauce) 
• Fresh or dried basil
• Oil (olive, vegetable etc)
• Salt and pepper 

Method

This can be done anyway you find easiest, you can cook it in the slow cooker, pan or even microwave it if you're desperate. I have the time today to cook it in a pan so I will. It's so flavoursome that it doesn't need to be cooked for ages to give it flavour.

First of all I always oven roast the vegetables, so the mushrooms, fresh tomatoes, peppers and onion, chop them all up and put them in a pan with a drizzle of oil, salt and pepper and some chopped up fresh basil 

I cop all the vegetables up and then drizzle with the oil and basil, it needs to go in the oven for around 1 hour, I cooked it at 170, stirring once around half way, the vegetables don't want to be crispy and hard, just soft and squishy!! 

Now I add all the ingredients to a pan and add the beans, passata, tomato purée, grated carrot and some more salt and pepper, I also used the juices off the vegetables as some of the liquid and added a cup of boiling water (you could use stock) 

I usually simmer with the lid off for around 20 minutes, till everything is soft and cooked through, I don't usually cook it for longer just because usually when I make this its to go in the fridge or freezer rather than being reheated, so I don't want to over cook everything at this stage. 

Once heated through you can taste and add more seasonings. Serve and enjoy. I like mine with basmati can rice or just on its own with grated cheese and sour cream 

Xx m xx

Moving forward

I return still as lazy as ever with the intent of writing this post and 'getting to it' I'm not sure what it is that I am expecting to achieve by the end of today or even by the end of the week or month or year for that matter. I know that whatever it is has got to have a big impact on my life the way it is now.

I wanted to give an idea of who I am, what my life is like and why I want to change so bad, ideas swimming around my head of how I can change, what I could change and dreams of what th outcome would be. 

I am 26, a mother of 2 children under 4. Zachary and Eleanor. I am a stay at home Mum and my partner works in catering 4 days a week. Those 4 days a week are my 'mummy' days, juggling housework, children, life in general and trying to remade sane. The other 3 days of the week are our family days and they always go by far too fast. 

I am 5 foot 3, a size 18/20 and very unhappy with the size I am. My weight is a massive issue to me, the health of both myself and my family are also very important, motivation is not my strong point and sitting for half an hour browsing through social media is always easier than leaving 2 scrapping toddlers to go and have a shower!! 

I watch a LOT of YouTube and of course like everyone else have my favourites, it's a natural thing, their lives are portrayed as perfect and I love to sit in my bubble and watch them. But I don't want to be perfect, it's unacheivable and would give a false impression of my life. I have nothing against those people and I don't feel negative towards them but for me this space is about honestly and how life is for most mummies.

Yeah I wear makeup, I own a pair of straighteners (currently used on my partners hair more often than my own ) and I have a somewhat limited sense of fashion, as long as it's covered up I'm happy! 

I often wonder if I was 6 stone lighter would I worry more about wearing makeup, straightening my hair or wearing the latest fashions. I do doubt it, but then again I might take more pride in my appearance. 

So as I finish this post I'm thinking about what lies ahead for me in my quest to change my life, moving forward the biggest change that has to be made is my eating habits, losing 6 stone feels like a million miles away. So I'll start with losing 6lbs. 

If you would be interested in what I eat in a day, recipes, day in the life's let me know. Otherwise I will just go with the flow and see what happens.

X m X 

A little peace

I know most people will look at the title of my blog and the title of this post and think that I am just plain stupid and it should be piece. I know it and it's meant to be spelt like that.....

I have a lot of issues with myself. I would list them but that would be boring and we would be here all day. So what I have decided to do to regain peace with myself is to try day by day to improve the parts of my life I am Unhappy with.

So it's a big piece of my life making peace with myself!

This blog is a place where I want to be as positive as possible but also as truthful as possible. I am too good at hiding away insecurities and telling porkies about what's upsetting me or what I really want out of life!
I don't want this blog to turn into 'look how perfect my life is'. I'm not perfect and I never will be, I want it to be honest, gritty and sometimes I hope it will be funny and inspiring.

Now I am one of the laziest people I know lets be honest with myself here, I really am and I can't help myself. An example is I love hair and makeup but I would Rather watch a YouTube video of someone putting make up on than put it in myself! So my thinking was that it would be a good place to start as a lot of my problems come from laziness.

I am about to embark on a life changing journey please don't be afraid to come with me

That is all for today, leaving with this thought, how can I try to be less lazy......




M xx